September 2011
23 posts
I've figured it out.
I’m just acting like a lazy fucking asshole. I’ve used all of my wisdom, and imagination to build myself a house of boo fucking hoo. Don’t get me wrong: it’s a solid, well built house. But….uh, why am I building it? Why am I living in it? One excuse: because it’s easier. But really, that’s like saying that I keep the lights off because it’s...
Maybe, I'm not depressed.
Maybe, I’m just really fucking bored.
Wow, iTunes: that's sneaky
I got stoned, watched Drive, and got really wrapped up in it. In some ways, it was a pretty boring movie, in other ways, it was mesmerizing, and beautiful.
Anyway, one of the things I liked about it was the soundtrack. It had some solid, 80’s-ish songs, and a lot of hypnotic synth tracks.
I watched it, and right away looked up the soundtrack on iTunes. All the songs with lyrics are...
Thank you, Internet
for making it possible for me to very easily find information that hascalmed my fears that all the crows I’m seeing in the city with fucked up feathers around their necks are NOT dying of an avian flu that will soon be passed to humans and become an epic plague that I should avoid by packing my car full of supplies and go survivalist camping out by the gorge…but rather, the crows are...
For a while
I wanted a girlfriend because I was horny.
Then, I wanted a girlfriend because I was lonely.
Now, I want a girlfriend so I can go to her place, when I don’t want to be at mine.
I’m definitely swimming in the shallow end…
You know that guy
who’s lying in bed stoned, writing a short story, and gets a text from his neighbor at 3:34 am, asking if he’s up, who texts back that he’ll be over as soon as he finishes his story, then puts some pants on, goes over to his friend’s apartment that has blood red walls, old thrift store pictures of Elvis, and many empty beer cans on the coffee table, and he listens to his...
Once Upon a Tumblr...
One night, I got bored, and started doing a puppet show from my bedroom window. I just opened up the window, and started the show for whoever wanted to see it. It wasn’t a very good show. Mostly, the play starred just a puppet of me, talking to himself. Occasionally, I’d throw another puppet in to act out scenes, but mostly it was ME ME ME.
But, some people liked it. As I kept...
"It's not art until it hurts you".--Mike Daisey
This is a quote from Daisey, as he did a 24 hour monologue at the Portland TBA (Time Based Art) festival. It was thrown up on Facebook by an ex-gf, who’s constant enthusiasm for festivals like these reminded me why we didn’t work out. It is also a quote that is bugging the shit out of me, and I’m not sure why.
I guess, mainly, it’s because art has never been a bitch to...
ALFC's Pet Peeves
This is something that I noticed a few months ago, and it’s been mildly annoying me ever since. Working at a restaurant, like I do, I take a lot of orders. Something that I noticed that about 80% of people do when ordering something is this:
ME: Alright, what would you like, tonight?
THEM: Hmm, could I have a large pizza?
ME: Sure, what would you like on that?
THEM: Uhm, could I get...
Dear PDX Sanitation Dept,
I know that technically there are 12 hours that can be considered “daytime”, but I think it’s also fair to say that most people would agree that the more traditional “business hours” between 8 am, and 5pm, are the ideal time to, indeed, do business.
Case in point: what fucking asshole decided that a good time to start the recycling/sanitation truck’s route...
Detoxing would be easier
if drinking wasn’t as much fun.
(side note: DO NOT take Ativan, and then do a line of blow…and then drink your face off. Trust me.)
I was going to blog about my shitty mood
but then I remembered that no one gives a shit. I mean, I don’t really want to hear about YOUR shitty day. Why would you want to hear about mine?
I am throughly addicted to pineapple.
Pineapple juice. Pineapple in a can. I kinda forgot how fucking good pineapple is.
It’s a shame no one is blowing me. I’m gonna taste pretty good.
Dear Jim Carrey,
If I were a washed up comedic actor who’s only getting roles in b rate movies about penguins, I wouldn’t post creepy video blogs for Emma Stone.
I’d totally rather post ‘em for Mila Kunis, yo!
love, Me.
p.s. Not that I’d kick Emma outta bed…if for some reason, she had a thing for graying, past their prime dudes (like me, and Jim) instead of fucking every...
Things I will miss, post apocalypse:
1. Wet wipes.