January 2011
48 posts
Dear Cafe Pallino,
Mm, I’m up early, and can’t fall back to sleep. I’m up, showered, dressed, and don’t have to be a work for two more hours. What to do? Hey, I’ll go to Cafe Pallino, down the street, and have a nice, little breakfast! Cool!
Ah, it’s a nice day, not too cold. I’ll walk! It’s nice to be out in the neighborhood. I like it here. I hope...
The PDeXes, Three Strikes, I'm Out, Part Three:...
THE FIRST FUCK.
Sophie was staying the night at a friend’s house. The room mate was out of town. We’d kicked around to a couple bars, and found our way back to her place. She’d taken me into her bedroom, where we made out for a bit, then she asked me to wait, while she went to the bathroom.
This was it. I kicked off my boots, and lay back on the pillows, one hand...
The PDeXes, Three Strikes, I'm Out, Part Two:...
Piehole was a master spinner.
From my first knowledge of her on the dating site, to our first date, to our second, and so on, I always felt a tugging in the back of my mind to some degree. A little voice saying, ‘Why did you do that?’, or ‘You don’t really believe her, do you?’. The term “web of lies” springs to mind, but that really wasn’t...
The PDeXes, Three Strikes, I'm Out, Part One:...
I don’t dream much. At least, not while I’m asleep. When I’m awake, I’m dreaming all the time. So many movies are being shown in my head, that I’ll often drive blocks past the street I need to turn on, or get halfway out the front door before I realize that I put on my slippers, instead of my boots. If anything, I have to dream myself to sleep.
So, when I...
The PDeXes, Chapter One: Sadsy, the epilogue
Wait, there’s more? He didn’t quit this chronically depressed girl who couldn’t be any more hung up on her ex?
Nope. He didn’t.
I did for a while. I huffed, and shook my head, deleted her from my facebook, threw her under the bus for my friends, and pretended to wash my hands of her.
But, it didn’t work for long. If there’s anything I can’t...
The PDeXes, Chapter One: Sadsy, (part 6)
After the cock blocking text night, I didn’t see much of Sadsy. We stayed in contact, through emails, and texts, and she may have stopped by my place to be awkward, and continually apologize for being awkward, but it was fairly apparent that she was avoiding me.
I was still hooked, though. She was smart, pretty, a good kisser, funny when she wasn’t being miserable, and pretty...
Dear My Balls,
Man, I really need to shave you.
It’s funny, how after you start to groom your pubes, if you don’t do it for three weeks, you look down while you’re taking a piss, and just think, ‘Holy fucking shit! It is a JUNGLE down there! It is time to CLEAN HOUSE.”
But, I have to say, a good groin grooming is on the level with a good haircut. You go in, sit down in...
The PDeXes, Chapter One: Sadsy, (part 5)
She hasn’t answered my texts, all day.
Fateful words. Our schedules don’t really synch up too well. She’s got the nine to five (which she gets up at five for), and I’ve got the night job at a restaurant. There are very few times in a week when we can meet. We’ve planned to meet tonight at 7:00, to see each other for the first time in almost a week. And she...
The PDeXes, Chapter One: Sadsy, (part 4.5)
and why not? while I’m kissing, and telling…
…this is something I emailed her while she was at her parent’s house for Thanksgiving. Right before she broke up with me.
“You’ll figure it out”.
Those were the last words I heard before the sound that marks the modern sign of disconnection came. No dial tone; just a soft click, and a mildly useless hunk of plastic in...
The PDeXes, Chapter One: Sadsy, (part 4)
I’m too drunk to chronicle the the next part, right now. In lieu of that, I’ll include this erotica email that I sent to Sadsy while she was at work. Please, forgive the typos.
For the record, her response was: I can barely type. My hands are shaking.
I kept my hands in my pockets the whole time. On the walk to the your building. I even nudged the glass doors to the foyer...
The PDeXes, Chapter One: Sadsy, (part 3)
The sex was pretty terrible.
The first time I knew I was going to fuck her, upon brushing my teeth, I discovered a raw spot inside my mouth, in between my gums and lip. Under different circumstances, I wouldn’t have given it another thought; it was the kind of thing that could have been caused by a sharp edge of a tortilla chip stabbing your gums. But, since I was about to do...
The PDeXes, Chapter One: Sadsy, (part 2)
Her dog loved me. An older, black and grey mutt who awkwardly had the same name as my room mate’s girlfriend, would get so overjoyed when I came calling, that Sadsy looked almost suspicious, as though I’d slipped bacon under the door before I’d knocked. When Sadsy would get up from the couch to go get another glass of wine, the dog would come right over to me, and lay her...
The PDeXes, Chapter One: Sadsy
(Introduction: On New Year’s Eve, while my friend J, and I were patiently waiting for our friend R’s girlfriend to go away so we could start in on the bag of coke we’d bought, said girlfriend, L, asked us what our favorite parts of 2010 were. After a moment of thought, I answered that my favorite part was how well my velvet paintings were selling, and my least favorite was...
Dear Most Other People,
You’re really not that interesting.
I went out to an all you can eat, wood fired pizza place tonight, with roomie J, meeting a few of his friends from work. For one, I wasn’t too excited about it purely from the the notion that I can eat all the pizza at the place I’m at four of seven days.
Long story short: his co-workers were really, pretty boring. I don’t even...
Dear Girl at the Bank,
Scene: DAY, INT, BANK: ALFC walks in to deposit his meager paycheck, and get a business check to pay of the OR IRS. He sees GATB, standing by her cubicle. She gives him a wave, and a nervous smile. He does the same. ALFC goes to a kiosk, starts to fill out deposits slips, etc. Eventually, he goes to the front of the waiting line, and is enthusiastically called over by a teller.
TELLER:...
Dear Lucy Dominga,
I don’t get it. I really don’t. But, more power to ya.
love, me
Dear APOCALYPSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You’ve been on my mind, lately, as you’ve been on very many people’s. The worldwide fish kills, and black wing bird mass deaths have stirred the pot for all the doomsday scenarios. O’ to be a born again christian in the deep south! Such fun to had!
As I was finding out about all these odd occurrences via the web, happening from here to New Zealand, I couldn’t...
Dear Men,
Okay, some of you may remember a post I had about men in Portland, but now, I’m inclined to believe it’s not just a Portland thing: Putting the seat down.
I say this because I just went in to take a piss, and my roomie, who’s already gone to bed, had put the seat (and lid) down. Why? Why are you doing this? It’s nothing but dudes in this house. There’s not...
Dear Sobriety,
You would be a lot easier to stick with if you were any fun.
And, if it wasn’t 30 degrees outside.
love, me
Dear Weeeeenter,
Bears have it figured out, man. Winter is something to be slept through.
I know, I know: I shouldn’t complain. Portland didn’t get any of the apocalyptic snow storms that the mid-west, and east coast got. There’s barely even been any of that dreaded frozen rain. I’m hoping all this keeps up, because this town SHUTS DOWN when it snows. With even a foot on the...
Dear Cocaine,
In a way, I’m glad that you cause such shitty hangovers. If you didn’t I would probably do a lot more of you.
Not like a “Rick James” amount more, or anything. But, more than once every few months, for sure.
love, me
p.s.—in a way, I guess I should be thanking my dealer, for cutting it with baby laxative, or whatever he uses that fucks my nose up to make the...